Silly · Girl · Love · Is · For · FOOLS!

The Big Picture

Sometimes I Cant Stand looking at our Picture.
This piece of art we have been working on.
I feel like we started out painting this beautiful classic
with scenery so beautiful that everyone would sit back and just stare.
But somehow within our painting we have become lost,
It is turning into this messy abstract painting.
People still stare and wonder, where did this beauty go.
It is an interesting painting, and the more that we move,
the greater the painting is.
Yet so many critics are saying how bad it is, they are just too used to that beautiful painting on the wall. With the people walking hand in hand and the scenery so great that you have to stare, not because the painting is different because the beauty is just so typical.
Now that our strokes have become diverted and we move every which way, the circles and squares that have taken over our painting with such vibrant colors, people stoop and stare, saying there is no way there is beauty in this. It is too weird and too messy to ever clean up and become that painting that people want.
I look at our big picture, I see the grand things that made it, I look at the beautiful painting that is behind our abstract work, and realize that I was not made for beauty, I was made for the imperfection of a mess. And I realize that though you want the beauty that you are too imperfect to make a beautiful painting. Maybe when we are ready, we will bring another canvas out and start to paint the beauty that so many people want from us. But for now hand me that red paint, and I need to clean up that circle I made. I do not mind doing things the abstract way.

It is getting old, as days go by i feel like we are lost and have went down to wrong roads. For the longest time we were walking together and we were seeing the same thing at the end. I feel like somewhere on this adventure I went down the wrong road and now I am stuck in this forest of thorns and you are over there seeing the end of the rainbow. I am trying to fit and break through this getting cut up and beat up and you are over there getting everything you ever wanted. And I am looking back seeing the opening I have already made for myself and than looking ahead at these thorns and seeing that walking away just might be the right thing to do...

I thought saying goodbye the first time was hard
I think having something I missed so much back I just did not want to give it back. I think i wanted to be greedy, like a child that has two cookies in their hand trying to figure out how the heck they are going to stick thier hand back in the cookie jar to grab that 3rd cookie without letting go of the two others. David was home for two weeks, I think I got too usd to being able to call him whenever I wanted, I got to used to the hugs and kisses...I got too used to it all. And now here I am again saying goodbye as he heads back out to war. I did not want to let him go I just wanted to keep him my arms and keep him safe there.

We went and got his hair cut and I cried because it hit that he is heading back to the milatary, my best friend was heading not only back to the army but back to Iraq where he is fighting these terrible people, these ruthless assholes!! URGH! So there was a dollar on the conter at his house I was playing with it...and realized it was ripped into two. We started talking about it, and how you cant use it and he was going to throw it away. So i grabbed it and wrote a little message on it, told him to keep it on him, it is like he has half of me and I have half of him. Because in real life he has me. So I have half of a dollar bill with 11/27/07 Too Stubborn to Die David Aziz written on it, and he has half with my message to him. He will be able to carry it with him, and I just hope he doesnt loose half of me because if I loose half of him I will never be whole again.

UGH!
I had a dream last night.
And I was in the mirror with this outfit and it is so cute!
Ha I am sitting there you know in the dressing room, and I hear a girl scoffing in the background. I see them come around the corner, and they look at me and they are like hunni take that off you are too ugly to be wearing clothes like that. No man would ever touch you wearing that. Here here is this...some sweats and a sweat shirt...stop trying to be pretty you ugly bitch.
And they walked away laughing...
I was in tears and just sat in the dressing room balling and I heard them come back in so i jumped up on the chair so they couldnt see my feet. And I hear in them in the room next to me "can you believe that fat bitch thinking she was cute? OMG doesnt she know how ugly she is? Stupid people these days. I went running out of store.
That was horrible....
And I felt like it really happened

Okay so I have noticed that everyone has been posting blogs about their future tattoos.
So I have 2 in mind.
Well 3 but I have no idea what the third will be.
That makes no sense I know.

But like most know... I want the butterfly on my right shoulder. Well it is not the ordinary butterfly it is a gemini sign with butterfly wings....like a butterfly. than under the left wing it will say Gemini in girly cursive and under the other wing it will say 05/31/87.

Than on my left foot I am getting this....

Well not th whole thing just the turtles. Squirt and Crush and than like a blue background. And around it will say Fin...Noggin....Duuude...in so fun writing. And that will be for me and my little brother. Because we used to do that out on the soccer fields! And we love it! And that totally fits us!

The Third will be for Mike. But I have no idea what it is yet! LOL.

m sorry about everything that is going on between you and james. Im also sorry about david and me clicking so well. I know you say that its not my fault and I have no reason to feel gulity, but the truth is that I do. I mean you have been sitting here waiting for James to make a move in the right direction and I just so happen to luck into David. I wasnt lookiing for a boyfriend or anything like that and here I am practically with a new one, while you a still trying to land the one from six months ago . You deserve to be happy more than any other person I know and sometimes I feel like everything that happens to me should be happening to you instead. I mean all the good stuff(cuz no one really wants the bad)because you want it more than anybody. I never asked for Nate to love me as much as he does, but thats all you truly want outta life is for someone to truly love you unconditionally. I dont know why you havent found it yet, but I know that when you do find it its gonna sweep you off your feet and you're never gonna come back down. So I just want to say Im sorry love and I cant wait for you to get what you have been asking for and waiting for. You have endured so much pain in this game of love and have been hurt so many times and I have to commend you for staying so strong and hnging in there like you have been. You are stronger than I ever could be when it comes to this thing called love. So I dont care if a knife, remote, shoe or anything else hits you. I just want you to know I love you and I always will. Just hang in there a lil bit longer maybe not with james, but just hang on and dont give up on love just yet. Okay?

[x]Turkey
[x]Mashed Potatoes
[x]Sweet Potatoes
[x]gravy
[x]asparagus
[x]mac and cheese
[x]stuffing
[x]cornbread
[x]pecan pie
[x]pumpkin pie
[x]family

Yet I am still really lonely.
Maybe because when I pictured Turkey Day this year I saw it as something else, maybe because I was hoping i was going to introduce him to my family....and have him eat all my amazing food...
or maybe I was picturing being at his house with his family helping his aunts and mom cook and clean or what not...and talking..
Maybe I just want to grow up too fast
Maybe...I am just hoping for something that just isnt for me...

Alicia Keys

Baby we started out as a Teenage Love Affair running around these streets til the sun came up. Going crazy in each others arms, kissing and squeezing, loving and teasing til we had Wreckless Love. I used to tell my girls how No One would ever compare to the love we had, No One was like us! I would always ask my self could you imagine being away from me....what would you do if our time was cut short...so I would whisper in you ear "Hold Me close....kiss me slowly and love me like You'll Never See Me Again. But you doubted me, everyday you looked at me, you never saw the way I felt, you never saw that I Needed You.Because every time I tried to Tell You Something you never heard those sweet words of I love you.Your lies became worse, your promises were always broken, you left me here asking Where Do We Go From Here so I told you Go Ahead keep it pushing. Even though you knew I loved you, Even though you broke my heart, Even Though I was burned by our relationship, Even though there are tears in my eyes Imma just call this a Lesson Learned. So I will keep being a Superwoman cleaning up your mess even though my heart is in pieces. And everyday my heart aches I will keep on singing Sure Looks Good...so I know that life is bittersweet and I will make it through. Like a Prelude to a Kiss I will ask God to send me an angel to get through this time that you have caused me and I will always remember The Thing About Love is it will come and find you, it will take you down, bring you back up, it will show you what life means and it will make you who you are. SO Thank you for your time and causing me to be who I am.

I say I can wait
I say I will be by your side
I say I can be your friend...forever and ever
But the moment I get away from you...
I know I cant wait...
I know I am inpatient to play these games...
The moment your hands touch another girl
Every time you tell me about another girl
My heart aches...with the words that I want to say
You tell me you are not sure about us
You say you dont want to hurt me...
You say the truth is held in my eyes...than why is when I lie and say
I will wait...you do not see how hurt I am.
Our time is slipping away...this will not last forever
It will all mean nothing if I do not say something....
before it all goes away...
I cant wait
I wont Wait
I dont wanna wait...
So please look at me with an open heart...
Look at mean when I say
I can wait...
because behind those words all Imagine is...
Not seeing your face
Not feeling your lips
not fixing these wrongs..
Not having another tommarow with you...
I cant wait...
I can wait
I wont wait...
I will wait forever...
I do not want to wait...
But I will for you...
So please do not make me wait..

[22:14] Tracy Dark: are you talking to james?
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: nope
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: why?
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: is he on?
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: wtf
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: ...
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: is he talking to you?
[22:14] Tracy Dark: yeah
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: yeah to what?
[22:14] Tracy Dark: and yeah again
[22:14] Tracy Dark: both
[22:14] Kbabygurl523: Urgh...he isnt talking to me
[22:15] Tracy Dark: he just sent me the message
[22:16] Kbabygurl523: how is he going to send u a message but not me\
[22:17] Kbabygurl523: how is he going to send my best a message but the girl that he fucking likes he cannot communicate with that is some fucking shit
[22:17] Tracy Dark: idk know i had new messages and i was expecting it to be from vavi and i found one from him too
[22:17] Kbabygurl523: wtf
[22:22] Kbabygurl523: time is ticking and I still aint got a message in my inbox
[22:22] Kbabygurl523: that is fucked up
[22:22] Tracy Dark: im sorry
[22:22] Kbabygurl523: HE IS OFFLINE!
[22:22] Kbabygurl523: this bitch went offline
[22:22] Kbabygurl523: for realz
[22:23] Kbabygurl523: okay...
[22:23] Kbabygurl523: i am mad
Session Close (Tracy Dark): Wed Nov 14 22:23:08 2007

Session Start (Kbabygurl523:Tracy Dark): Wed Nov 14 22:23:19 2007
[22:23] Tracy Dark: dont be mad
[22:23] Kbabygurl523: oh i am past mad
[22:23] Kbabygurl523: I am cool
[22:23] Tracy Dark: i didnt mean for it to happen it was like one sentence he sent me
[22:24] Kbabygurl523: it is always one senttence....but i left him a message...urgh
[22:24] Tracy Dark: im sorry
[22:25] Tracy Dark: it was random i thought he message you 1st
[22:25] Kbabygurl523: naw of course he wouldnt
[22:25] Kbabygurl523: that is his typical shit
[22:25] Kbabygurl523: nevermind
[22:25] Kbabygurl523: i am just in a bad mood
[22:25] Tracy Dark: aww why
[22:26] Kbabygurl523: just been in a bad mood
[22:26] Tracy Dark: but we were so happy
[22:26] Tracy Dark: i remember we talked about our happiness
[22:26] Kbabygurl523: i aint happy
[22:26] Kbabygurl523: the more i th ink of james and I
[22:27] Tracy Dark: oh and marzette said she is with the chris brown movie
[22:27] Kbabygurl523: the more i get mad..
[22:27] Kbabygurl523: i look at u and David and yall are runnin wit it
[22:27] Kbabygurl523: yall aint afraid of consquences and for once I am aint being aafraid and his ass is just siliencin me...nad keepin m e to the side
[22:29] Tracy Dark: brb
[22:31] Tracy Dark: k im back
[22:32] Tracy Dark: honey im really sorry about the whole situation
[22:33] Kbabygurl523: it is geting old
[22:33] Kbabygurl523: and everyday I am like Imma wait Imma wait for him he is a good man NO ONE has ever been like him
[22:33] Tracy Dark: hmm then maybe you should tell him how much it hurts you
[22:34] Kbabygurl523: we have talked about it and I see why he is waiting and I feel like if I rush him than I will loose it and I guess Imma just have to be hurt
[22:34] Tracy Dark: so why is he waiting
[22:35] Kbabygurl523: and i rather hurt this way than hurt in the long term
[22:37] Kbabygurl523: because he wants to see both sides of me, he feels like he has only seen one side, and he wants to see it before we get too far into this. And i told him the only way he is really going to see it is in my writing, because the stuff that he has seen has hurt him.
[22:37] Kbabygurl523: Like myspace stuff.
[22:38] Tracy Dark: huh im a lil confused with the ending
[22:39] Kbabygurl523: he wants to see the other side of me, he has only seen one side of me, in his words. To me he has seen my cry he has seen my cuss someone out, he has seen me hyper and he has seen me loving.
[22:39] Kbabygurl523: But to him he says that he reads my blogs and my bulletins, and says that is another side of me.
[22:39] Tracy Dark: okay
[22:40] Tracy Dark: well he cant physically see that person thats you expressing urself ya know
[22:40] Kbabygurl523: yeah
[22:40] Kbabygurl523: and he says that is a huge part of me and he wants to se it because sooner or later that is going to come out.
[22:41] Kbabygurl523: and he says he doesnt want to hurt me. and in the end we will be friends, and he wants em in hi slife. And he was like I am not sure if I could see you with someone else, and I was like wtf than if u cant se me with some else, than shouldnt that be a BIG sign that you care enough?
[22:42] Kbabygurl523: He is just i unno...
[22:42] Kbabygurl523: sometimes I dont think he cares about me
[22:42] Kbabygurl523: other days he does
[22:43] Kbabygurl523: ugh i am just so mad
[22:43] Kbabygurl523: and confused
[22:43] Kbabygurl523: all in one
[22:43] Tracy Dark: yeah that speech confused me too
[22:44] Kbabygurl523: omg
[22:44] Kbabygurl523: i got so mad at him
[22:44] Kbabygurl523: that day
[22:44] Kbabygurl523: Friday
[22:44] Kbabygurl523: i went and saw him
[22:45] Kbabygurl523: u know
[22:45] Kbabygurl523: we had sex
[22:45] Kbabygurl523: and than we were sitting on the couch cuddling up...and what not. And he was like I have a question....and I saw like okay shoot
[22:45] Kbabygurl523: and he was like do u think what we are doing is right? I was like what do u mean? And he was like well u know th sex before a realtionship?
[22:48] Kbabygurl523: And I just stared at him and was like there are days where i think I shouldnt have had sex with u...because it wont go anywhere...like the rest. And than there are days where our physical connection is just too amazing to leave alone...
[22:50] Kbabygurl523: And he was like what do u mean not go anywhere? And I was like u are just going to fuck me and leave. And he was like well I dont think cheating is okay if u are getting the sex you want, the love u want...the respect. Like Kathy I waited 9 months and she wouldnt let me touch her...and that drove me insane and that is why I cheated.
[22:50] Kbabygurl523: Omg I was so fuckin mad
[22:51] Kbabygurl523: not because he cheated....
[22:51] Kbabygurl523: but i swear he told me differently
[22:51] Tracy Dark: hold on a sec im getting the 411 on keith
[22:52] Kbabygurl523: k
[22:53] Tracy Dark: ok im back let me get caught up here
[22:56] Kbabygurl523: and member i was callin ppl trying to get the 411 so we got into it...and he was like BABE I fucking told you...and I was like naw u didnt...and than he grabbed me and was like Jessica i told you and what does it matter if I cheated....I didnt mean to...I was wrong with what I did...I will admit that to you. But what am i supposed to do...I was like it isn ur cheating it is...
[22:56] Kbabygurl523: the fact that i think u are cheating on me...
[22:56] Tracy Dark: oh wow
[22:57] Kbabygurl523: no
[22:57] Kbabygurl523: sorry
[22:57] Kbabygurl523: sorry
[22:57] Kbabygurl523: lieing to me
[22:57] Kbabygurl523: LOL
[22:57] Tracy Dark: oh damn so then what did he say
[22:58] Kbabygurl523: he was like I didnt lie I swear to u didnt lie
[22:59] Tracy Dark: i dont know sounds like a lie to me
[22:59] Kbabygurl523: i know
[22:59] Kbabygurl523: and I was mad
[23:00] Kbabygurl523: But i gave in...
[23:00] Kbabygurl523: and he kissed me and that is when he said he never wanted to hurt me
[23:00] Kbabygurl523: and he mentioned if we didnt get togther
[23:01] Kbabygurl523: and I was like that would be a waste of my time...and emotions
[23:01] Tracy Dark: brb
[23:01] Kbabygurl523: and he got angry all over again and was like I am waste to you? And I was like naw...just if imma be hurt than it is. And he was like I do not want to hurt you.
[23:06] Tracy Dark: so what did you guys agree to?
[23:08] Kbabygurl523: And in the end...i hope that we are friends even if shit doesnt go the way we want..and I was like the way we want..I dont htink u want it sometimes.
[23:08] Kbabygurl523: He he chuckled and gave me a huge hug and was like...
[23:08] Kbabygurl523: look I care for u so much so in the end i wont hurt you...not as friends and not as my girl.
[23:11] Tracy Dark: ok so what are you guys doing im so confused
[23:11] Kbabygurl523: I unno
[23:11] Kbabygurl523: tha is why i am so confused
[23:12] Kbabygurl523: this is the most serious and angry convesationw e had
[23:12] Tracy Dark: not trying to through it in your face but if david is like that im gonna punch him
[23:12] Tracy Dark: im not gonna be able to do that one
[23:13] Kbabygurl523: what am I supposed to do...anymore...I want him more than anything in my life at this point...
[23:13] Kbabygurl523: but i cannot keep doing this
[23:14] Tracy Dark: yeah cuz i can see its really bothering you even if you say youre ready for it, its still gonna hurt
[23:15] Kbabygurl523: I am ready but it will hurt but this confusion is what is getting me ready
[23:16] Kbabygurl523: I let my gaurd down but im putting it up again
[23:18] Tracy Dark: oh okay
[23:18] Tracy Dark: i dont want you to be hurt
[23:18] Tracy Dark: i mean i know i cant control it but it hurts to know youre hurting
[23:20] Kbabygurl523: yeah i know that
[23:20] Kbabygurl523: but u also have to remember
[23:20] Kbabygurl523: like days like saturday make me fall harder for him
[23:20] Kbabygurl523: it hink of us on the beach
[23:21] Kbabygurl523: i think of those things
[23:21] Tracy Dark: yeah i bet
[23:21] Tracy Dark: yall got some serious talkin to do
[23:22] Kbabygurl523: and sooner or later we need to...
[23:27] Tracy Dark: well you need to tell him
[23:27] Kbabygurl523: i dont want to loose him
[23:28] Kbabygurl523: what if I loose him?
[23:28] Tracy Dark: if he cares like he says he does i dont think you will
[23:33] Kbabygurl523: yeah....but u cannot push some one into this
[23:33] Tracy Dark: i know
[23:33] Tracy Dark: its a delicate situation
[23:34] Kbabygurl523: imma wait
[23:34] Kbabygurl523: i can wait
[23:34] Kbabygurl523: at least i think so
Session Close (Tracy Dark): Wed Nov 14 23:34:34 2007

Session Start (Kbabygurl523:Tracy Dark): Wed Nov 14 23:36:23 2007
[23:36] Tracy Dark: talk to him about it on sat when we all see e/o
[23:36] Kbabygurl523: no
[23:36] Kbabygurl523: no reason to upset him
[23:37] Tracy Dark: oh ok whatever is best for you
[23:38] Kbabygurl523: best for me...sometimes u make sacrifices for those who you care for...lol
[23:39] Tracy Dark: yeah and you always get hurt
[23:39] Kbabygurl523: yeah i know
[23:39] Tracy Dark: well i know i do anyway
[23:39] Kbabygurl523: and I know u r a prime example
[23:39] Tracy Dark: lol yeah
[23:40] Tracy Dark: i get burned by everybody except you
[23:40] Tracy Dark: seriously
[23:40] Kbabygurl523: Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
[23:40] Tracy Dark: like all my other besties have screwed me over at least once
[23:40] Tracy Dark: except you
[23:41] Kbabygurl523: you are the third person ot say that to me today
[23:41] Kbabygurl523: no joke
[23:41] Kbabygurl523: i feel special
[23:42] Tracy Dark: cuz you are
[23:42] Kbabygurl523: hope he sees that one day
[23:43] Kbabygurl523: lol
[23:43] Tracy Dark: he will but it might be too late when he finally does
[23:44] Kbabygurl523: i dont think i will ever leave him til he tells me he doesnt watn me
[23:44] Tracy Dark: ok
[23:45] Kbabygurl523: why should I?
[23:45] Tracy Dark: why should you what?
[23:46] Kbabygurl523: why shoud I leave him...LOL... I mean there is no serious reason why to leave him.
[23:47] Tracy Dark: i didnt say you should

I heard this song...and I was like FINALLY a boy realize that he fucked up....and the stuff the do really mess with girls!

"Damage" -- Chris Brown

Damage..

You know.. Sometimes you don't realize what you've done, until you've seen the damage... And I
looked at the damage...

Whoa.. yea.. yea.. Whoa.. yea .. Look at the damage..

[Verse 1:]

3am when my phone ring, beggin' me to come by, I was right around the corner.. I know I
coulda' said no but I ain't stop, told me come in "the doors unlocked for ya".. My intuition I
should, have listened to it, my girl, yo she'd be pissed if she knew, about this visit...
She had a tank top on, I took her tank top off, but should've stopped, STOP!.. [sigh]
But she ain't lettin' me, kissed me soft and gently.. she tempt me.
Right then I stopped thinkin' consequences... Guess I must have lost my mind for a minute.

[Chorus:]

There's no better love... Girl I love you.. With her that was lust.. Should've have left and I
know I messed up... One phone calls done. this whole thing now... look at the damage.. damage..
look at the damage..

Damage.. damage that I caused you. And now I broke your heart, cuz' I did you wrong. Look at
the damage, look at the damage that I caused...

[Verse 2:]

The dumbest decision that I made that I ain't proud of, a few hours that made absolutely
nothing cost me your love.. I gotta live with regret, deserve to get what you give, that you
wont listen to nothing that I'm saying. Rode passed your house for hours, just to feel close to
ya.. no cards, no gifts, no flowers, could get me back with chu'... Your kiss, your touch, girl
you know I miss it. But you got my heart inside a prisonless ??

[Chorus:]

[Verse 3:]

I was trippin', I was dippin', with these women, in these streets. Lost my girl, lost out
there. Wish I could take it back.

I was trippin', I was dippin', with these women, in these streets. Wish I could, take that
back...

[Chorus]

I heard this song last night when leaving his house and I was like it iskinda like who I feel to an extent...LOL it has been four months now...Today...Four months of talking...hopefully it wont take him a year to figure out that I am head over heals for him...cuz I cant wait that long...



"Don't Let Them"

Say that you want me
Say that you'll never leave me
You gotta tell me you need me
Don't let them take your love away
[Repeat 2x]

Some say that I am a fool to love you
And some say that I'm to dumb to know whats right for me
But only I can live my life, and only I can feel my heart ache
I never claim to know know everything but I know when your loves away
I can't sleep and I can't eat and I can't live and I can't breathe
So don't make a fool of me, just love me

[Chorus 2x]

Now they say that me loving you will hurt me
And they say its a matter of time before you break my heart
But even when were far apart I always feel that you are with me
I hope and pray almost everyday that our love never goes away
Cuz I can't see where I would be without your love all over me
So don't make a fool of me just love me and say

[Chorus 2x]

Baby your all, all that I need, need in my life, right here with me
[Repeat 2x]

[Chorus]

It's like you caught up in a maze
You keep on going in circles girl you're trying to find your way out
But its time I put on my cape and
Put that s on my chest
Girl I wanna come and save you
But I'm stick in the middle of seeing you hurt
I know when you love him
And you wanna make it up
And I can't help but think that I known you first
It's getting louder
Can't ignore any longer

I can hear your heart crying out for me (crying out for me)
I can hear your heart crying out for me
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in come on in and save
(I can baby) I can hear your heart crying out for me

Baby, I should've never caught feeling
But baby having late night conversion on your sofa
You telling me how he played you out over and over, over and over
But I'm stuck in the middle of seeing you hurt
I know when you love him
And you wanna make it work
And I can't help but think that I knew you first
It's getting louder
Girl I can't ignore it no more baby

I can hear your heart crying out for me (crying out for me)
[ Crying Out For Me lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
I can hear your heart (oh yeah) crying out for me
(And girl it's saying)
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save (Save me)
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save (oh oh oh)
I can hear your heart (I can hear it yeah) crying out for me
Girl it's crying it's crying

I don't wanna confuse things (no)
But I just can't keep lying to myself
When you're holding me (when you're holding me)
I can feel your pain oh baby let me be your dream
I'm the answer come see me (see me)
And u don't have to cry no more (u don't have to cry)

Girl I can hear your heart baby
I can hear your heart
Girl it's crying
Won't you listen to your heart, baby

I can hear your heart crying out for me (girl it's crying out for me)
I can hear your heart crying out for me
(And it's saying)
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save (Save me)
Come on in, come on in, come on in and save
I can hear your heart crying out for me

Girl I can hear, hear it cry for me, for me, for me, for me

Ladies wave your hands in the air
Ladies wave your hands in the air

Oh baby
It's crying for me
It's crying for me for me

Superman, A real Superman
Current mood: cold
Category: Romance and Relationships

superman

noun
1. a person with great powers and abilities

To me....when i read that ...i take powers and abilities as a whole new thing.
A man to have the power to not play games with a girl. a man to have the power to be straight with me and true to me. Is a superman. A man who has the power to take my breathe away not by the money he spends, the car he drives...but by the soft touch and sweet kisses he gives me....is a superman. A man with the power to take me away from what I am dealing with and put a smile on my face...is a superman. A Man who has the power to lift me up outta an danger, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally...is def a supperman.

A man with the ability to stand straigh and say this is my girl is a superman. A man with the ability to be himself around me, whether it be sad, happy, angry or just plain silly is a superman. A man with the ability to see that I am azing no matter what my outward appearance is...is a def superman. A man that has the ability to deal with all my ladies and there comments...is a superman. A man that has the ability to accept my apologies because I will have many. I am not perfect and will say sorry...is my superman.

To me a superman is just an amazing guy who knows what he wants. He knows how to handle me and understands that I am a pesstimistic bitch at times. But also sees when I fall for him and he takes my breath away I appericiate it all. And he will have my heart forever. He will be able to work with me when i get all jealous and sad and insecure at times. But he alsoo has to work with me when I am silly and very flirtaous girl. I am a complicated girl, i hate when people say they are easy to understand because to me humans are complicated. And I am going to be real...I am a complicated girl and I will try my hardest to understand you s long you try to understand me. I will give up a lot for a man. when i care for em they can take me around something I hate for hours but I will put up wit it becuse you are my man. I dont expect something special...put when I ask you go see a girly movie or do soemthing with me...I expect you to be willing to do it for me. Because I promise you this..if you re my I will rock your world and that isnt just sexually but in general. I am a def ride or die chick. If imma ride witchu I will ride till it die. I dont play games like dat. And i expect you to give me the same respect.

That is what a real superman is..respect, power, abilities....

I am not a picky girl...I dont think anyone has th right to e picky with another human being. Yeah i expect ,b>respect...but that is the only thing. If my heart falls for you than we can figure it out. But if you arent going to be a superman...to be my superhero and come to my rescue than i dont think I will fall for you. But as I say that...

I need a REAL>superman. There are plenty of boys who can come to my rescure for a bit but sooner or later they take off the costume and become a normal person. They were always a normal person. They didnt have anything that a superman has. They came to my rescue but as thy were saving me they heard another girl screamin for help so they drop me in mid air...and there they go again...flying off to go find another girl. I need my superman and save me for awhile...help me get back on my feet. Who is willing to always be that man that I look at and say wow..he is amazing...

So I wrote another blog about why my name is "I need a real superman. And I am going to explain it again here since so many didnt read it. And now that they askin I can send em here. My friend Tracy and I were having a conversation about men in my life. And hers. she wrote an amazing blog talking about how females cant let men play em or treat em like shit or anything else.I was tellin her that I am tired of being single I am tired of all these boys that seem so amazing at first but in the ned I feel unapperciated. So I happened to be dealin wit a man who decided he wanted to play me again like da rest. And that lead into me telling her how I need a knigh in shining armor or a superman to come to my rescue because I am sick and tired of these men comin to my rescue and as they savin me they drop me on my ass...they drown me even further than what i was already. I was tellin her that I was soo tired of ppl coming ot my rescue and never saving me...just making it wore.

So that is why I didnt just say i need a superman but a real superman. So people understand...or that men understand I dont need fake shit anymore....

I was just wondering if someone can make a black and white layout for me with these black and white photos, not all of them or what not. I really would like an abstract layout. So all these photos I really enjoy...and feel in an abstract way can get my point across

http://larafairie.deviantart.com/art/Disguise-59158956
http://lorrainemd.deviantart.com/art/gowiththeflow-11912658
http://pinkmango77.deviantart.com/art/Back-to-Black-61159448
http://sofilace.deviantart.com/art/Black-White-19376956
http://ami-ly.deviantart.com/art/photos-nous-54779152
http://khavi.deviantart.com/art/Leila-and-Sasha-black-white-18298254
http://kurbside-design.deviantart.com/art/Black-and-White-Lucky-7-59952159
http://bloddroppe.deviantart.com/art/Darkshines-62746441
http://angel-nahla.deviantart.com/art/Black-and-White-25407383
http://nykolai.deviantart.com/art/Brittle-28239310
http://regelschmerz.deviantart.com/art/black-white-02-67315427
http://kaerless.deviantart.com/art/Black-and-White-Spine-1695746
http://sonluna.deviantart.com/art/Black-Sisters-03-39537774

Now with the lettering I was hoping for purples and greens....
And I was wondering u could put somewhere in it...

either;

"Silly Bitch(Girl)....Love is for Fools..."

or

" Love has a backbone, that backbone is trust, if you do not have that trust, your backbone is not there to support you and your love will forever be paralyzed."

James and I were talking about the qualties We are looking for in a partner and to tell u the truth Like I know what I want but I dont know what I want...does that make sense?
Well I love the song Must Be Nice by Lyfe Jennings...and today I heard it while thinking about James...and when I heard what he was saying I was like OH! That is what I want...LOL...So the qualities I am looking for...

Someone who understands the life I live
Someone who's slow to take and quick to give
Someone who sticks around when the rough times get thick
Someone who loves Me despite my faults
Someone who talks the talk but also walks the walk
Someone I can come home to from a long day of work
Someone I don't have to show they know exactly where it hurts
Someone who trusts Me despite what they've heard
Someone as mighty as a lion but still as gentle as a bluebird
Someone I don't have to tell I don't want to be alone
Someone I can grow old with until God calls Me home

These are amazing qualities, and I might not get them all right away, but sooner or later they have to appear, and if they cannot match up to these in some sort of way, than I am sorry we will not work.
LOL...
Well who knows but these are great qualities, that I hope the man I fall in love with has these things....

"Don't Give Up (This Goes Out...)"

This goes out to my homegirls
This goes out to my homies

[Verse 1:]
Baby girl, I know that you've been off track
You feel like taking one step forward, taking two back
No matter how hard you try, things always go bad
The thought of a better life, you'll never know that

You smile on the out, but inside you hurt
You say that you're fine, but you feel unsure
Try to replace the pain by saying false words
You see that girl in the mirror but don't know her

[Hook:]
But the tears can't wash away
All the fears you haven't faced
Baby girl, don't lose your faith
'Cause the storm don't last always

[Chorus:]
This goes out to my homegirls
Know it's hard to make it in this world
I know you try
And it feels like
Nothing goes right
But it'll be alright

This goes out to my homies
Tryna survive out in these streets
I know it's tough
Forced to grow up
Life [?]
But keep ya head up

[Verse 2:]
Baby boy, the streets, it's all that you know
You dream of a higher place, but you stay low
And when you go home and mad and you're all alone
Wanna call out to your boys (but they're all gone)

You tell yourself (that you don't need)
No one else (but if only)
You would try (won't give no need)
Won't have to hide (what you're feeling)

[Hook:]
But the tears can't wash away
All the fears you haven't faced
Baby boy, don't lose your faith
'Cause the storm don't last always

[Chorus:]
This goes out to my homies
Tryna survive out in these streets
I know it's tough
Forced to grow up
Life [?]
But keep ya head up

This goes out to my homegirls
Know it's hard to make it in this world
I know you try
And it feels like
Nothing goes right
But it'll be alright

[Bridge:]
Baby girl, keep your head up
Promise me you'll never give up
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh

Baby boy, keep your head up
Promise me you'll never give up
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh

[Chorus:]
This goes out to my homegirls
Know it's hard to make it in this world
I know you try
And it feels like
Nothing goes right
But it'll be alright

This goes out to my homies
Tryna survive out in these streets
I know it's tough
Forced to grow up
Life [?]
But keep ya head up

I saw James Watson this weekend!
AND NO SEX!
Ha!
But he told me that He is not trying to lead me on and that he likes me....
He is just making sure he is stable before he jumps into anything!
And though I am never sure if we are okay, and if he cares, this weekend I think reassured me!
We were talking about what qualities we are looking for in a partner...and he was like I just want a girl to apperciate me, someone to have a good attitude about stuff, and She has to be beautiful to me...not to the world. And he looked at me and was like "you fit those, he said your attitude is pessmistic at times, but for the most part you are looking at life in a realistic view. You support me in what endevures you have goals in life, and though I hope that in life I will be able to retire my wife, so if she doesnt want to work she doesnt have to, you have goals, And your beautiful, I love looking at you and your eyes and smile...he said that is beauty, it isnt waist size, your chest size and ass...it is that smile that can brighten a room and eyes that I can look at...he was like that will never change, the rest will." I was just in awe of it all...I just stared at him with the lose of words...lol.
I met his BEST friend David finally, and David said that he is always talking about me, he said whenever they go play ball and what not, somehow I always get brought up, He laughed and was like it was funny because in the car on the way to the park he was talking about me and how I am nothing like Kathy, LOL. And than they saw me. LOL. LOL
Also, James has weekends off! YAY! I am so excited, and he said that he is going to play ball quiet often...almost every weekend. eek! Oh, Alyse...David thinks you are pretty! LOL. He asked me about you. LOL.
The weekend before or After November 19th we are going to LA to the Car Convention...and maybe the beach. EEK! That is so exciting. I am so happy.
Oh and he promised me his phone will b turned on. LOL
Yay!
Billy hung out with him too...and his little sister...but our siblings didnt get along. LOL.
Well they did but they didnt...LOL
Well yay!
I am happy, though I was mad seeing him at the park...
He told me that they informed him Friday night that he will now have weekends off...
So yay!